This year is the third anniversary of my
sobriety. It has not been an easy road, but it has been worth it. I
know I am strong. I know I deserve a
happy, healthy life. Every day I make the commitment to myself and my
family.
I grew up in Sheridan. I have a
wonderful, supportive, Christian family. My parents, who are now retired,
were respected well-known professionals in the community. I also have an older sister who I am very
close to. I even went to college and obtained my nursing degree.
I have the disease of addiction and
alcoholism. This is a disease that is recognized by the American Medical
Association. This disease is progressive, and many times is fatal. As a nurse, I intellectually understood this.
I never imagined that I would do the
things that I did in order to satisfy a physical craving and mental obsession
beyond my control. It is important to understand that – no one wakes
up one day and says, I think I will push my drinking to a whole new level and
try out meth. When you can stop using or
drinking – you don’t want to. Then when
you do, finally, want to stop - you really, truly can’t. I went to treatment a total of 5 times. I wanted sobriety with everything in my being
each of those times but could not maintain long term sobriety until this last
time.
May 2, 2016 was undoubtedly my rock
bottom.
This was the day that I took my last
drink and the last shot of meth. I was hopeless, paranoid, and knew I
needed to quit and couldn’t. Two women
that I knew from the program of Alcoholics Anonymous took me to a meeting and
stayed all night with me and my daughter. In the morning, based on the
advice from my sponsor in Alcoholics Anonymous, I went to the hospital to seek
treatment for detox and referral to treatment.
I was in a meth-induced psychosis.
I was honest with the treating physician and social worker about my use
and inability to stop. My daughter was with me at the hospital. I love my daughter more than anything and for
some time had felt so terribly that she had a mother like me – how had it
gotten to this point?
I was arrested and charged with felony
child endangerment. I was taken out of the Emergency Room in handcuffs
and taken to jail later that morning. My
parents made the decision to have my daughter put in foster care to essentially
save me. They didn’t think I would get better if they took her. They are very close to their grandchild,
spending time with her every week, but they knew that it had to be done. I was devastated. My parents were
divorced a long time ago and each remarried – since they passed a background
check, they could coordinate with my daughters foster parents and spent one
afternoon a week with her. Looking back, I’m confident this is what
helped me the most with my recovery. I
could not lose my daughter.
My family did not bail me out of jail
and thank God for that. They did faithfully visit me every week. I also got letters with pictures of my
daughter from her foster family. Knowing
she was safely with a good family, I started to focus on doing everything I
could to “get it” this time. I remained in jail for until a bed
opened at VOA Treatment Center on August 24th.
I did not see my daughter until she was brought to visit me at treatment
on September 10th. It had been four
months since I had hugged her. I was
excited, nervous, and scared.
I graduated the inpatient treatment
program at VOA on November 18th with my parents, my daughter, and her foster mom by my side.
Shortly after that I got an apartment and a job. I still have the same job over two years
later. I started outpatient treatment
two months later and successfully completed that, too. I continue to work
on my recovery daily. I can’t stay sober
based upon what I did for my recovery yesterday. I have a sponsor and work the 12 steps of Alcoholics
Anonymous. I continue to go the three to
four AA meetings per week. I sponsor three other recovering women in this
program. They say in order to keep recovery;
you must give it away. I also volunteer
on a panel of recovering women that go to the VOA Gathering Place to talk to
women still in treatment about the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and share my
experience, strength, and hope.
My husband is also sober. His sobriety date is two days after mine. We went to marriage counselling and our
relationship has never been better. Our daughter is a happy, toothless
kindergartner who has so many people that love her.
Department of Family Services and the
court system was very supportive of reunification but also made sure I was
willing to work for it. They laid out the steps in front of me – very
clear, high expectations. That was my
focus every day, getting myself better so that I could be the parent my
daughter deserved. There were some days that were very overwhelming –
maintaining my sobriety, attending parenting classes, working full-time, counselling,
etc.
By the grace of God, I celebrate three
years of sobriety. I’m thankful for my family never giving up on me. I’m grateful that I get to be a mom. I
would not be here without my sponsor and supportive friends. I’m so happy for my second chance.
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